Are You Being Understood?

It may sound like a simple question: When you speak, are you being understood?

“Well, of course,” you say. After all, the group you’re speaking to is nodding, looking at you and apparently taking in the content of your speech.

But are they really UNDERSTANDING you?

In a one-on-one conversation, active listening or empathetic listening can be used much more effectively than with an audience. The person who is trying to understand your message can re-state your main points back to you and clarify: “I understood you to say that you mean X.”
photo credit: marjoleincc

At which point you can say, “Yes, that’s exactly what I meant.” Or if you need to clarify the statement for the listener you would do that.

In almost all communication models (one on one, one on three or four, one on a large crowd) it is incumbent on the speaker to be understood. It is his responsibility to communicate fully and completely so that his audience is able to get the full measure of the message.

Even in a one-one model, the speaker is the one most responsible for being understood. However, in that intimate setting, the listener has much more chance to clarify the speaker’s remarks; to make sure that what he believes he understands is in fact what the speaker has intended the message to be.

In long-term relationships (not to get into a therapy-mode here!), couple learn ways to communicate that suit them. Often if a couple can’t figure out how to communicate it leads to conflict and if the conflict is strident enough or volatile enough the lack of communication skills can lead to a split.

It’s been said that most conflicts in couples are over money, but in my experience the conflict really comes down to a lack of sufficient communication skills regarding the topic.

I mention it because it is a vivid illustration of the importance of communication skills, especially in close relationships.

But back to you, as a speaker.

When you are delivering your speech, one of your top goals must be: to be understood, completely.

If even a small portion of your audience walks away from your talk still puzzled about some of the things you said, you’ve not had a completely successful talk. Of course in large crowds – say 50, 100, 1000 or more – making sure everyone understands you may be impossible.

But it’s worth trying.

Being understood by everyone in your audience enhances your stature as a ‘clear communicator.’ And if the audience thinks of you in that way, your reputation will grow, more people will want to hear you and you’ll get more bookings.

If a significant portion of the audience, on the other hand, doesn’t understand all that you’re trying to communicate, they’ll walk away puzzled and at least mentally shaking their head, wishing they could have understood more of your message. You’ll earn a reputation as a somewhat dense, thick speaker who is not speaking to all of his audience. And yeah, those bookings won’t be as forthcoming.

It doesn’t matter if your speech is to a group of high-level scientists or a local community of volunteers. The goal is the same: to be understood by as many people in your audience as possible.

Two suggestions: vet your message with colleagues or the types of people that will be in the audience. If there are mis-steps or muddy parts of your speech, another set of ears should be able to help you out.

Second, depending on the situation, ask for audience feedback and questions. No, it’s not always possible, but if it is, it’s worth a few moments. For every asked question, there are probably several unasked questions.

So next time you prepare your speech, clarify any muddy points; run it by someone who can give you an objective evaluation, and strive your best to be understood.

It’s one of the best things a speaker can hope for.

**This post originally appeared on Communication Steroids in February, 2009**